It was in the early 1950’s when my father and mother fell in love and married. My mother, a beautiful, free spirit, creative, intuitive, classically trained pianist and graduate of Eastman School of music from a broken west side family and my father, a love struck, fun loving, free spirit, dreamer of a man born to a hard working east side, blue collar family.
The divorce happened early in their time together. The story goes that my mother wanted to break away from my fathers controlling family and do their own thing. He succumbed to his family’s presesure to stay, she did not. To this day I cannot imagine the pain, struggle and emotional suffering they endured. I could see it in their eyes yet, they never talked about it.
For many years I blamed her for leaving, I mean how could a parent leave their child? I would never do that!
Well, it happens and it happens every day in the world we live in. The daily news reveals the struggle for power and control in politics, the news and social media and the lives of the many individuals who use it poorly. We are at epidemic levels, and are witnessing the crash and burn phase now (rightfully so). We are acting like teenagers. People are getting blamed and hurt, and this will continue, until we grow up.
For my mom, she grew up wanting more than her family could offer. She was going to change the world and lead her life as a powerful and capable woman. She was going to have whatever she wanted and would get it “at any cost”. As I learned this I realized I could not blame her, she knew no other option! My dad, grew up to honor the head of the household (his father) or be dis-owned and cast out of the family. How could I blame him?
Acually, I carried blame and maintained judgment of my parents for many many years until I realized it was only keeping me from growing. I was partially paralyzed by blame, never able to fully live my own authentic life free of it. As I continue to work through my personal and emotional issues with life, I find that by dropping blame and judgment of others I can move on to new frontiers. For me, I’m learning that means letting go of blaming myself for a multitude of things. Blaming myself for not being good enough as a son which would have kept my parents together. Not good enough as a husband, father, friend, business owner, boss, etc.
Truth is I’ve been blaming myself for years, paralyzing and sabotaging my growth as an authentic voice and example in a world of chaos. While I believe I’ve failed at times, I’m learning (the result of being willing). I truly believe that if I learn enough, I might be able to change the world!
In short, if we love ourselves as we want to be loved, we can create the world and life we know we deserve. Pretty cool, Huh?
”Blessings on your journey”