Ten days ago my wife Nancy had a heart attack. It turns out to be a rather rare event in its complexity (SCAD if you want to read about it), and one that should allow her to return to her normal way of life. This week is dedicated to getting back to work, driving, etc. and meeting with her medical team to monitor and discuss her current and future health position. She will have to continue monitoring for at least the next month, and her strength and energy levels should continue to improve over the next few months. While it’s understood she will have to adjust her activity levels and rest more often, there will be a period of time for healing needed. It is also my week to get back to work and address my own current and future health and healing position too.
Today, I’m beginning to realize and accept the fact that the trauma Nancy and I went through last week while affecting her in obvious ways, is still affecting my performance. I have not wanted to commit the effort to writing about it because I haven’t had the energy to revisit the story. I am having headaches, still feeling tired and my patience levels are getting low. I am just beginning to watch the news and pay attention to what is going on in the world around me, And, I’m just beginning to get back on my diet of healthy eating (had a lot of ice cream over the past week, lol). I’ve also realized my mental acuity has been affected as I’ve been missing turns or heading off in the wrong direction while driving.
When one enters the world of trauma, it puts the body and mind through stressful times, all inherently designed to serve us. The medical environment of University Medical Centers, while remarkable in so many ways, is a world where we do not normally live and brings with it a sense of uncertainty and fear associated with questions and unknown possibilities. Questions like, “What happened? why am I here? why am I broken? will I be OK? will I die?” Surrounded by tens of hundreds of other broken people connects us to the world of human frailty, “the human condition”, we are born and we will die, sooner or later.
Today, I have spent all morning to get this much written, so I will pause for now and continue tomorrow, but I’ll leave you with this. When our world is visited by life’s trauma we have within us the capacity to live and breathe through it.
“Blessings on your journey”