Saying goodbye in these difficult times

Today has me thinking about the many families being affected in death by the current virus crisis. Last night I heard on the news from a nurse put in the position to sit with and being a part in the passing of a life, a life she had limited connection with. With the current distancing and quarantine rules, families are being shut out of these moments, and strangers are becoming involved in one of the most transformational events in our lifetime, the passing of a human life.

Having served in funeral service and on the front lines of this event for over 45 years, I have come to realize a few things. It should not be surprising to know that the two most significant thoughts families have when a loved one dies, Are, I don’t want them to have any pain, and, I don’t want them to die alone. While there are certainly other thoughts and situations, these are the two I hear the most about.

Perhaps the most heart wrenching story I have regarding pain, is about the mom who’s son was killed in a fiery car crash. She was obviously consumed by her imagination and fears, as any parent would have. She also was able and willing to share her thoughts with me asking me for my thoughts, searching for consolation, any glimpse of truth and guidance to help her through this nightmare. In all my years I had never felt so needed,   and I was prepared. It has become my conviction and belief that at the time of our physical death we transition to another realm, position, place, vibration (you pick or use your own word here). I have listened to thousands of stories from loved ones of energetic connections, songs being played, lights flickering, cardinals, and many unique events and times. I have read numerous books from authors who have died and come back to tell their story, and, I have had personal experiences in my life where I have transitioned energetically to another space and time (more about that in my book).
I looked into the eyes of this beautiful loving mother and said, “i cannot speak to how awful and painful it was for you son in that moment, but the moment he made the transition from this place to the next, whatever he felt or experienced no longer mattered. He entered a place so beautiful and full of love that ‘anything’ any pain, suffering etc. that could have happened was so insignificant we just can’t imagine. She said “Do you believe that?” and I said “without a doubt”.

I started with this story because knowing about or watching people in pain or suffering in any way, is one of the most difficult events we’ll have to endure in life. How we choose and manage to navigate these events can dramatically change the direction we all travel.
The concern of loved ones dying alone when you consider the transformational event and its impact of the previous story, should help us mitigate the effect of being alone. It is my belief that no matter how hard we try, or are successful in being with our loved one when they die, we have no power or control in it. I have heard story after story about the families that sat the week long vigils at the death bed of a loved one, only to miss their passing after stepping out of the room for a moment.

This brings me to the times we are in now. The loved ones dying in the hospitals surrounded by medical staff and limited, or in some cases no family connection. It is my belief that when we are in the final stages of life we have the ability to travel from this earthly place to the next and back. We have that ability because, as we start to release the heavy earthly and physical vibration, we become more aware of the higher spiritual vibration we are really connected to. You may have heard the many stories of loved ones communicating and having conversations with dead family and loved ones. I believe this is really happening.  In this time, we have the opportunity to transcend time and space. We can connect with others “out of body” and we can be everywhere and hear everything.

My advice for those of you struggling in these troubled times, is to make a moment in your days to sit quietly in a calming and loving environment and space. Give yourself up to the possibility that we are never alone, that we are continually and always connected to each other no matter where we are. Speak to them, remember them, celebrate them. For it is in this journey of acceptance, this realization that the relationships we have with each other are within us, and eternal, and that they remain. You are here, we are here, all is well.

“Blessings on your journey”

If you would like to read more about the many stories I have, I would be honored to share my book “Living and Dying” Finding Love and Hope in the Journey of Loss, available through my website at or through amazon and barnes and nobles.


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