Moods

The past two days have been a real challenge.  What’s up with that?

I woke up today wondering how from one moment to the next you can have such a shift in mood.  Often there are triggers that we build into our psyche that propel us to a place and time of our past in and instant.  I think that happened to me the other day.  When I reflect back on my past, I meet up with some darkness and significant sadness.  I wanted nothing more for my parents and family to have peace, love and joy in their lives but couldn’t manage that.  For years there was one thing after another seemingly knocking them down from all sides of their lives, and I could feel their pain. I guess the most important statement here is “their pain”, not mine, yet, I’m still connected to it, it’s embedded in my very being.   I’m not going to go into the stories here, but there in my book.

We go on with our experience of feelings and thoughts, digging under and mulling over their significance.  We live every moment a collection of past thoughts, experiences and reflective moments.  The depth of our feelings and senses clouded at times by reaction.   So today, I once again have to remind myself of what I want my walk and talk to be about.  Being love, patience, and offering support and understanding to all.  Thanks for being there.

”Blessings on your journey”

http://www.mkanthony.com

 

Walking your talk

Day 10

The holidays can be a stressful time for people.  For many years I would go in and out of depression around thanksgiving and christmas, following the familiar patterns of my family.  I tried excessive drinking and abusive behavior to feel better (familiar patterns), but to no avail.  After many years, I made a conscious effort to change that pattern.  I learned a new way to embrace the holidays by “being” the gift of peace, joy and love.  Yesterday I tried playing the old way again, and lost.

Today, is a new day.

Throughout our lives, we have nothing but opportunities for transcendence and transformation! To change the form of the thing and by changing it, we learn from it and discover some higher order of capacity.  Then it happens, of course, that in your meditation you discover that you haven’t really walked your talk, as completely as you ought to have. Aren’t there some things that you could do better in your relationships with other people? And the answer is, yes absolutely, and I continue to work on that, even today.

Our lives are formed not just by the conflicts that we’ve experienced, but by the ones we’ve not resolved – Ken Cloke

 

“Blessings on your journey”

I got nothin!

Shut down by hate.

 

For the past few hours I’ve been shut down by hate.  I hate the sentiment, the very idea of hate.  I hate that people hate and all the while I hated that.  I hate, that I hate that!!!  This is where “I got nothin” comes from, stuck with an idea, one that I hate!!

I was going to leave writing day 9’s post after shut down by hate, but after a while I re-connected with, and “I love that”.  Now here I am, pushing keys on my keyboard up and down.  I guess that’s better then shut down.

How do you deal with hate?

If we are not happy and joyous at this season,
for what other season shall we wait and
for what other time shall we look?” – Abdul-Aha

It’s important when we’re facing thoughts or things that are really hard for us that we lovingly support ourselves through the process. The more supported we feel, the easier it is to open our minds to the idea that we could change our way of thinking about or looking at the situation. When we remember this, we feel gratitude, which makes it hard to stay in a dark mood.

So for now, thank you for listening. It’s really helped.

”Blessings on your journey”

 

We shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds!

I welcome you to come along with me on my journey. It is my sincerest desire to bring more love into the world, and that might be a good thing.

Day 8

“We shall find peace. We shall hear angels.
We shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds.” – Anton Chekhov

What would make me think I have anything to say or offer the world?

Perhaps its the one question we continue to ask ourselves that keeps us from doing just that thing.  Speaking up, telling our story, sharing our intimate thoughts, ideas, secrets is a scary place and one that leaves us feeling vulnerable and open to ridicule.

A good friend said to me recently that it would be a shame to die with your story untold, closed off to those who might care, learn or benefit in some way from that knowledge.

Do you ever wonder why your parents did this thing or that and their gone now, not able to answer that question?  I wonder what the hell mine were thinking!  How hard and painful their divorce was?  I wonder how having a judge grant custody to my father over my mother must have felt to her and why it came out that way. I never asked and they never said, I’m sure it was to painful for them and now I’m left to wonder.

Growing up in funeral service and helping people through transformational events in their lives has given me the confidence and awareness to share my story.  I mean why not? its very evident to me we all feel the same basic emotions of fear, pain, loss, joy, peace, etc.  Although our individual stories may be different the feelings are universal.  “We shall find peace. We shall hear angels.” My first book “Living and Dying” is just being released, and is available online through my website, http://www.mkanthony.com  While I’ve already got my sites on the next book, it is a joy to be blogging as way to practice writing and sharing my thoughts, ideas and secrets.

Every day I wake up excited to venture out into the world with my thoughts.  As I sit here at the keyboard nothing specific is of mind, but after a moment or two “this” stuff comes tumbling out. It is my sincerest desire to bring more love into the world, and that is a good thing. I invite you again, to speak up, comment, live not die.

So, we all can see the sky sparkling with diamonds!

“Blessings on your journey”

 

Tears are good, right?

Thanksgiving day yesterday was great.  We had a great time together with family we don’t see only a few times a year.  My favorite part is always the time we spend together sharing what we are thankful for as we sit around the table before the feast.  It is our tradition to go around the table and say what we are thankful for this past year.  Often there appears some tears and some emotional response.  This year I made it through without tears but others there made up for it.

I have always looked back on my tears as a good thing.  Underneath the tears are feelings of joy, appreciation and love of which I don’t always express.  It feels good in my body when they come out.

In reflection of this day, the more I practice expressing my feelings the more present joy, appreciation, love is apparent in my life.  How cool is that?

How did your day go?  What are you thankful for?

 

“Blessings on your journey”

Thanks!

We all forget all to often how easy it is to say thanks, or at least I do.  When you look at a child, their lives reflect a natural appreciation of thankfulness and joy.  It appears to me that if we can feel joy the rest will naturally follow.  Joy is a permanent aspect of our inner selves and is not separate from us at any point. We do not have to travel to find it or imagine that it resides only in the body of another.

We spend a lot of our lives looking for role models, mentors, teachers, and gurus to guide us on our path. There is nothing wrong with this and, in fact, finding the right person at the right time can really help. However, it is important to realize that in the absence of such a figure, we can very safely rely upon ourselves. We carry within us everything we need to know to make progress on our paths to self-realization. The outer world serves as a mirror. Or to use another metaphor, our inner world has a magnetic force that draws to us what we need to evolve to the next level. All we need to do to see that we already have everything we need is to let go of our belief that we need to seek in order to find.  We are the role models, mentors and teachers!

Daily our AFC team serves the mission of assisting people in need of support, guidance and love.  You all bring such a great gift to their world and I would personally like to say to mine also.  It is your internal joy that I am so much appreciative of.  That light, that when turned on is very evident and healing.

To all of you who have made the effort to join me in this blogging experience.  I want to thank you for your interest, support and the love you are gracing me with.  It lifts ones heart to know friends, family and others looking to feel connected and listened to, are out there.  That life can be experienced together is not being alone, not dying alone but living.

Thank you so much for all you do, and have a blessed and wonderful thanksgiving.

 

Mark